Category Archives: Humor

Does Trump Have Free Will?

Free Will – do we have it? That has been the subject of many lofty dissertations by theists, philosophers, and yes, atheists like me. The consensus of most nonbelievers, one that I share, is probably not. Decisions made by the brain are based on genetic predisposition, life experiences, and sometimes one or more random inputs determined by the current environment. I shorten it to Nature, Nurture and Random (NNR). Before we tackle The Donald, let me give an example so that we are all on the same Read more [...]

Five Kinds of Guys

“All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.” ― Alexandre Dumas, fils From Wikipedia: Expressed in philosophical language, a hasty generalization is a fallacy of defective induction, a conclusion that has been made on the basis of weak premises. Unlike fallacies of relevance, in fallacies of defective induction, the premises are related to the conclusions yet only weakly buttress the conclusions. A faulty generalization is thus produced. In spite of the danger, I am going to Read more [...]

The Nightmare Song

I love Gilbert & Sullivan operettas. The music is fun, and the lyrics are always amusing, sometimes downright hilarious, especially the “patter songs.” The patter songs from HMS Pinafore, The Mikado and Pirates of Penzance are widely known, but a less well-known G&S work, Iolanthe, has a good one called “The Nightmare Song.” The subject, as it often is in G&S works, is unrequited love, and the tortured fantasies of a lovesick Lord Chancellor. If you hear this performed, you Read more [...]

Classical, Romantic and Bombastic

Composers have written Requiems for hundreds of years, encompassing the full range of musical composition styles, from Renaissance to contemporary and everything in between. Three that stand out for me were written by Mozart, Brahms and Verdi. I call them classical, romantic and bombastic. Now calling Verdi’s “Manzoni” Requiem bombastic is not meant to be derogatory. It’s a stunning piece of music. Verdi was an opera composer, and he liked grandiose gestures (Think “Aida”). So it is Read more [...]

Abstinence Is Hard

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. -Anonymous The author of this proverb is unknown. Some say Shakespeare, but that is questionable. Nobody really knows…and that is good, because it is nonsense. I am immensely fond of my wife, but whenever I used to go on business trips, I did not become fonder. I got horny! Substitute horny for fonder in the above proverb, and it would make more sense. But wait, it isn’t my heart that gets horny. I know enough about my anatomy to know where horniness Read more [...]

Kneeling is a Mortal Sin

This was written a few years ago, but it’s still good for a chuckle. The Catholic Church here in Orange County, California has yet another controversy to deal with along with their pedophile priests.  In an LA Times article today, I learned that kneeling can be dangerous to your spiritual health.  The pastor at St. Mary’s By the Sea in Huntington Beach has decreed that parishioners should not kneel after the Agnus Dei.  After a number of people defied this and continued to kneel, he declared Read more [...]

Where Have I Heard This Before?

I was reading an article yesterday about the history of the NFL, and some of the legendary teams that gained nationwide fame. The “front four” defensive linemen of the Los Angeles Rams were known as the “Fearsome Foursome.” The Minnesota Vikings had a great name for theirs: “The Purple People Eaters.” That name just stuck in my head for some reason. When I went to bed last night, I dreamed that I was shopping for veggies at the local farmers’ market when a guy walks up to me, Read more [...]

The Game Of Life

I was in the middle of my daily Bible reading late one afternoon, deep into Deuteronomy 14 where it says, “And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it is unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead.” I was thinking about how those instructions were aimed at the ancient Israelite tribes, but if pork was unclean for them, why isn’t it unclean for everyone?  Just then my wife called from the kitchen. “Honey, I can’t think of a thing Read more [...]

Atheism is a Religion

If you are an atheist, then you are practicing a religion. Don’t try to deny it.  I’ll prove it to you. When you get up every morning and go to bed every night, don’t you pray to your non-god to protect you and your loved ones?  What about that Book of Atheism that you quote from all the time?  You even swear on it in court and when you recite oaths of office.  You claim you have a moral code, just like the rest of us, but you got it from the inscriptions on those platinum manhole Read more [...]

Thoughts On Turning 80

I am not turning 80.  I am heading straight at it, with no brakes, no reverse, and the accelerator is floored! I have concluded that life is like a roll of toilet paper.  The closer I get to the end, the faster it goes.  Worse yet, the last few sheets are so flimsy and full of holes that it takes more of them to get the job done. Some of the pleasures in life have lost their allure too.  Sex has become pointless, I no longer get a high from hiking in the mountains and owning a Ferrari is Read more [...]

Free Will and the Leap of Faith

I have been engaged in an ongoing discussion with several friends about the concept of human Free Will, a cornerstone of all Abrahamic religions. If humans do not have Free Will, the whole scheme of sin and salvation collapses. I am going to walk down some well-trodden paths here, but bear with me and you will eventually see some new and, I hope, interesting scenery. Let’s begin with some characteristics of God, as described in various sacred documents. I have selected three that are relevant Read more [...]

Ah, Spring!

A few years ago, I became acquainted with an irrepressible octogenarian known as Dame Ruth, whom I met on a web site for wannabe writers.  The web site has since gone to the Great Beyond  and sadly, I have lost contact with her.  She had established a ‘tradition’ by publishing a particular poem on May 1st every year.  Here is her poem, and my responses to it: Hooray, hooray! It’s the First of May! Outdoor fucking starts today! My quick response was: In Minnesota You could try But Read more [...]

Fallen Heroes

We all have our heroes…people whom we admire and look up to, try to emulate, or just use as an ideal. Sometimes, sadly, they prove to have feet of clay and our adulation turns to disillusionment. It’s sad when this happens, as it did to me recently. I stumbled onto an article by Don Burleson a few days ago titled “On Religion.” It is a good piece, logical and well written.  I agreed with most of his arguments, although his style was a bit confrontational for my taste. Even Christopher Read more [...]

The Solar Power Problem

Solar panel owners are selfish, hypocritical liars. They say that they put solar panels on their roofs because they generate clean, renewable energy, and that helps the environment and prevents global warming which everybody knows is a hoax. But we know they put up those solar panels just to get out of buying electricity from the power companies. Most of them still buy a little, but not as much as they should. So the power companies are not selling enough electricity, and they will have to raise Read more [...]

The Word

In the beginning there were the Colonies. And the Colonies were without form. And the King named George oppressed the Colonies. And the Colonies rose up and smited George’s armies and defeated them. And the leaders of the Colonies said, “Let the Colonies have form.” And they created a nation, giving shape and form to the Colonies. And they called it The United States of America. And they saw that it was good. And they created a Constitution, giving all citizens freedom Read more [...]

Three Wise Guys

A long, long time ago, there were humans on the earth.  Records show that the first ones probably lived in what we now call Africa more than fifty thousand years ago, and from there, they gradually spread to the Fertile Crescent in the Middle East, continued eastward into Asia, northward into Europe, and then into Indonesia, Australia and North and South America via the Aleutians, which at that time, formed a land bridge connecting Asia to North America. They were hunter-gatherers.  Nomads.  Read more [...]

The Creative Spirit in Eastern Europe

A few years ago, we took a three week trip to Eastern Europe.  We visited Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, Serbia and Croatia on a river boat cruise that followed the Danube from Budapest, Hungary to the Black Sea and back.  These nations were all part of the former Soviet Bloc, operating under the Communist system for over fifty years following World War II.  As a card-carrying Capitalist for nearly seventy years, I was curious to see if the spirit of innovation and creativity was alive and well in Read more [...]

The Birthrate Wars

A couple years ago, I received an Email containing a video. It opens with a sepulchral voice, intoning a dire warning: Muslims are engaged in a worldwide conspiracy to conquer the world for Islam by outbreeding the western Judeo-Christian democracies, driving us to extinction. They plan to conquer the world…with their birth rate! I immediately suffered a severe attack of déjà vu. Where have I heard that before? Ah yes! The Great Mexican Belly Conspiracy! A few years ago, right wingers in Texas Read more [...]

Religious Freedom…even if it breaks laws?

A few years ago, the Supreme Court dealt a major blow to the separation of government and religion, ruling that members of a Christian sect could use a hallucinogenic tea as part of their religious ritual. The Santa Fe, New Mexico-based group has about 130 members, and imports a substance known as hoasca which is then combined with local plants and brewed into a tea used in the church's communion ritual. In 1999, U.S. Customs inspectors seized a shipment of the psychotropic chemical which is banned Read more [...]

News Flash – Ohm’s Law Questioned

The following little satirical spoof was written during the George W. Bush Presidency when the Religious Right was pushing hard to get their creationist Trojan Horse called Intelligent Design included in high school biology textbooks. News Flash!!! Religious Right questions Ohm’s Law. Says it’s “just a theory with no proof.” WASHINGTON - Religious Right leaders James Dobson and Pat Robertson issued a joint statement today questioning the validity of Ohm’s Law.  In 1827 a German scientist Read more [...]